Victor’s Life List

I have just came back from helping out as a volunteer in Padang, Indonesia. Great experience really. Just looking at the devastation that the people there experienced just gives me a better perspective of things and life as a whole.

I realized how transcient life actually is.

Now I am here doing what I feel I really love doing best: Sitting down on my chair in front of my desktop. Nothing actually fulfills me more that just expressing myself in a manner. It is this time where I feel like my life is completely mine. I have no needs to just “structure” myself into concepts of life.

I guess these one week in Padang make me realize that money is but a small thing in life. Seeing these volunteers helping out without any money really make me rethink about how much we place emphasize into making money, believing that it is all so important.

There is nothing much actually for me ramble. Just feel the emptiness of my thoughts. At this time, I lack judgement. I am in the moment of things. I open myself up to possibilities.

I realize that most of us (I am no exception whatsoever) are always in this state of finding things to do.

Whenever we are free or relaxed, we are just totally not used to it. I realize this even more ever since I enter the workforce. Since my work also allows me to control the majority of my time, I believe mine is a tad bit tougher than most of the employed jobs because I would have to manage myself consistently.

I would have done something and then subsequently felt like I wasn’t productive or the day’s work wasn’t enough. It often made me very unsatisfied and doubtful everyday. I would have thoughts like,”I should have done more” or “I need to improve on this and that” or “I need to spend more time focusing on this”. The whole cycle of feeling I should and must do more.

I feel that this is in its part a great limitation. I feel that most of us are conditioned in such a way to actually find fault with what we have done. We are not pleased with our effort. We are always in a state of tension and stress and wanting to move away to another situation. We just don’t know how to accept what we already have done.

We have to realize that what’s done is finished. We would just have to accept that we have done all that we could do.

We could always put in more effort but that is it, we already done all that we can do.

Learn to slow down and not rush. It brings more productivity and more quality to our lives.

I woke up in the morning feeling a deep need to express. It’s this sudden desire to just write which is just hard to understand.

I felt a sense of tiredness everytime I have to spend too much time with people who aren’t true to themselves. It’s like what a high school friend used to say that most of us are wearing masks and we aren’t really showing our true selves.

It sometimes makes me feel so disconnected with myself whenever I mix around with negative people and all. I could feel like their negative energies are just so dis-empowering. I mix around with them for a while and I feel like my energy levels totally reach a new low.

Another kind of person which I really try to avoid now is those who are constantly in a state of object referral.  These kind of people are those people who are constantly looking for things external of them for happiness. They would move around looking for the approval of others or doing things which pleases the external beliefs and values of others.

I just hate  to be judgmental, but it always make me feel tired mixing with these kinds of people.

I went to an open house last Friday. It was my dad’s friend”s.

It was a house worth approximately around RM4million. It just makes me curious that why would they need such a big house to live in. I actually don’t feel impressed at all. I have no idea why in the world would someone spend so much of their lifetime actually acquiring things which are outside of them.

There is a radical shift within me. I feel like I’m a totally changed person.

I feel like I’m living life more and more based upon my beliefs and values. I’m slowly shredding the unwanted things that drive me. In fact, there is a drive that is driven by our society and culture.

Driven by the need to conform. The need to do a certain things, to act in a certain way, to believe in certain ways; that we have become stereotypes.

It’s truly tiring to live such a life. I’m just going to be myself. No more acting like I’m someone else in front of my parent’s friends and relatives.

It’s either they like it or don’t. To hell with them.

Today marks the first one percent of the year. It might seem like I’m weird to count how many percent the year has gone. I actually admit I am. I kind of believe in tracking my progress in my goals for the year. That’s why the time tracking has been slightly too intense.

I planned to work today. I remember very clearly how last night I wanted to go to the office to make some phone calls and to find for more property listings. However, I just didn’t have the mood the moment I wake up. I felt like just chilling.

Normal dilemma question: Do I force myself to go to work? (as a mark of discipline) or do I just follow what I feel like doing? (as a mark of following my heart and the flow)

I guess we all have this normal dilemma, don’t we. We all have these days where we just want to just relax and just do what we like. I am aware of the importance of discipline though, but I am also aware of the importance of only doing things when you feel like it.

Discipline vs Being In The Flow

I don’t know actually. What I know is that through experience, only do doing things when you’re in the flow really brings me joy. Forcing myself to do something might bring me happiness, but only sometimes.

How do I reconcile this?  Discipline vs Being In The Flow

What brings more fulfillment? Being In The Flow does

But…

What brings the results? I wouldn’t know which one though. Discipline is said to bring us results, but is results all that there is?

Why do we need to be so disciplined if we know that what we desire is going to manifest?

Just do what I feel like doing. I feel like doing some writing today. I feel like going for a walk today in the park. I think I’ll catch a movie later. I feel like just following my heart.

Dear Tiger,

I would like to start by telling you something and that I’m an avid fan of you. You represent what golf means. You’re the true athlete in terms of how determined, how your work ethic is and how professional you are.

I place you as one of those athletes which I truly admire. Among those which I really felt were true professionals in their field are people like Lance Armstrong, Micheal Jordan ad Ryan Giggs. These people are those I truly respect for their dedication and discipline in their game. You are definitely one of them. (please note that I do not include Federer among those people for the sheer fact that I believe that true winners don’t cry when they lose. Sorry Roger)

What you have done would have disappointed those who are close to you. I can only imagine how your mum and your late father would have felt after knowing about it. Elin is right to be pissed at you, forgive her for that. Your children would also be very disappointed if they were to know the entire story.

That’s about the people which you only need to be really be responsible to. No one else.
Not your sponsors. Not to other golfers on tour. Not to the media. Not to anyone else. To hell with them.

I respect you at an extremely deep level because I know how technical golf is. I play golf and I know it. God knows how many hours you put in a day just to perfect your swing, to work on your short game and all the other stuffs that only those who really play the game will understand.

I remember reading a book about you. It said that the moment you entered the game, the only record you were ever after was Jack Nicklaus 18 major record.

I hope you really keep your eyes on that because you really deserve to break that record.

When you started golf, your target isn’t to be the most reputable person in the world or to be the most popular golfer or athlete in the world; but your actual goal was to break Jack’s record. I really hope you do. It doesn’t matter if no one else sponsors you because your target from the beginning isn’t about making heaps of money from golf but in breaking that record.

Clear up the mess, Tiger. Talk to Elin and ask her for forgiveness. Talk to your mum and ask her for forgiveness. Talk to the media openly about it. Release a statement asking for forgiveness from your fans. Take some time out to reflect and rethink your priorities.

Don’t pay those girls you had sex with a dime to stop them from releasing the stories. Just let them do what they want with it. It doesn’t matter if they have a sex tape of you. I would rather spend time watching you on golf channel then watching you making love on the web.

Those gold diggers are just after your millions. Don’t pay them any. They had their own share of fun too.

I hope you come back refresh and rejuvenated.
Like I said. Keep your eyes on the prize.

Love,

Victor

There are a few readers who have been asking me to tell them more about the meditation experience in Burma.

I decided that I would give myself some time to consolidate and to reflect after coming back. I want to spend some time just doing some meditation and to really settle down to life here after moving around so much.

I will try to write soon as soon as the mood comes.

At the mean time, I would like to spend some time just getting into the moment and to enjoy the time.