Victor’s Life List

We cannot anticipate the future. I start with this motion because I feel this is the most important statement I would have to make in this post. It is because of this that I would like to stress it’s importance.

You might think that it makes sense. We all know that we could not anticipate the future, but if we see how we react to certain things, we would realize that we don’t really understand this fact.

Uncertainty Of The Future

How many times do you feel unhappy when something didn’t go our way? Or when you expected someone to act a certain way? Have you felt a sense of insecurity before from not having enough money, in a relationship or in your future?

If we all know that the future cannot be anticipated, why do we even have a sense of insecurity or a sense of heavy expectation for something to happen? Would it actually help us be more productive? I don’t think so.

So, this post is going to focus on these mere fact that we could not anticipate the future and thus we should not create heavy expectations for things to happen. Most of the time, these expectations actually bring us down. It makes us unhappy, stressed, worried. If we try to control the future too much or spend too much time dwelling on it, we become individuals who aren’t fulfilled because we depend on things to go a certain way for us to be happy. If things don’t go our way, we get unhappy. There are many situations that illustrate this. It might be people who are after a promotion, parents who want their children to be a profession, people who expect their spouses to act in different ways or a sales target we want to achieve.

You see, we spend so much time in the future that it creates a lot of expectations. These expectations makes us fearful. We fear that if we do not achieve them or if things don’t go our way, we will get disappointed or we might not look good in front of other people. Since our society is such that whenever something don’t go according to what they want, we actually label them as failures.

That is why our society value those who hold on to their words/promises, those who are consistent, those whose personality doesn’t change much. We love these kind of consistency or what I would rather call as “PERMANENCE”. We love it deep down because of the security it brings. We don’t like things in which we couldn’t predict but like I said, we cannot predict the future.
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“Everything happens for a reason and a purpose, and it serves you.”

-Anthony Robbins-

Your past forms you. Who you are, what you believe in, the results you have and the level of happiness that you have now is directly or indirectly the result of what you have done in the past. What you had done and what you believed in had formed you and the results you experienced now.

The past is a valuable source of wisdom and learning. It represents an avenue in which we really experienced something for which other people might have never experienced and for that it is a source of your wealth. You might go and tell them what you experienced and how it felt like but in actual fact, they would never understand what it means until they experience them. They might think that they could understand what it felt like but in actual fact, they are just perceiving as if they understand it. You only truly understand an experience or feeling when you experience them, not through merely listening to others.

Although I believe it’s important to learn to listen to others for some experiences for which you have never experience, I know it is important to draw a line between things which you have to experience first hand and some things in which you could just listen from someone who has already experienced from it. We do not live infinitely and thus it is not rational for us to experience every single thing. Thus, we should open our hearts to listen to the experiences of others. (Note: We should be really vary of what we listen to because sometimes we listen to the people who are negative about things, which doesn’t really help us. Refer to my post on this here.)

When To Learn From The Past

It is essential to learn from the past whenever we feel unhappy. Like I said above, the results we have in the present moment is a direct or indirect result of what we have done in the past. These negative emotions are usually an indication that we still haven’t learn from things which has happened in the past and which makes us unhappy with the results we have in the present. Whenever faced with such emotions we should step back and think of whatever we feel unhappy about and see if there are any lessons in which we have not learned yet.

It actual fact, we need not wait until we feel unhappy to start learning. We could start by doing our reflection every evening. We just have to ask ourselves every evening: How can I improve what I did today? Think about how we could improve our ways of doing things as well as living life. This minor reflection if done daily, would drastically improve one’s life.

I used to do this at times, before I left Malaysia for my 5 months holidays. I am now trying to regain this habit. I would ask myself if what I have done today would bring me closer to my goals and who I want to become. ( I would talk about this in the next post on planning for the future). I would do some journaling and contemplation. I am aware that sometimes I wouldn’t feel so motivated and some other times I would feel extremely motivated to achieve my goals. This is essential for the practice of the present. We should realize that everything in the world is impermanent, even our motivation.

This was among my learnings from the past. Previously when I start to feel de-motivated to do something, I actually realize how I would feel guilty about it. The guilt which arises usually makes me harder to concentrate on my other tasks at hand. On deeper contemplation, I realize that the reason that I felt guilty was because I had a reference point from the past. A reference point refers to what happened in the past which causes us to have an  expectation in the future.

For example during my study days, there are certain days in which I felt extremely motivated to study. I would easily absorb anything that I study and could study for hours. The problem with having this kind of thinking is that the moment we have a “good” moment, we create expectations for the future. If the next day, my motivation starts to slide, I would start to feel guilty. This guilt makes me less productive and subsequently affects my motivation.  Since my motivation is already low, the guilt actually makes me even lesser motivated to study. This cycle would go on and on.

It is only then that I realize the importance of not being too tied up with the past. The past creates expectations for the future and the present. The past makes us wanting things to be different in the present, when we know that in actual fact we can’t control a lot of things. In it’s very essence, everything is impermanent. Our motivation, our expectation, our perception and just about anything is impermanent. If we were to hold on to these good or bad things that happen in the past without letting it go, we actually limit our experience.

Learning To Let Go

Let me start by telling you something: Letting go is an art.

I am no guru when it comes to letting go. I am still very much a work-in-progress. However, I can say from experience that I know the importance of letting go.

Most of us when we experience something bad, tend to hold on to the pain that the situation brings. It might be the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, something bad someone has done or said to us and other terrible things in which other people have done to us. Whenever we hold onto these situations, it actually slows us down from enjoying ourselves in the present moment.

Letting go is truly an art. Whenever something happens (be it good or bad), always remember that it will pass. What’s important is to learn the lesson behind what has happen. Drop the situation, hold on to the lesson.

Letting go helps us enjoy more of the present without letting the past burden us too much.

How To Let Go And Learn From The Past

• My favorite lesson: Everything is impermanent. If everything changes, why hold on to anything whatsoever? Wouldn’t it be more fun to just observe how things change instead of feeling disappointed when things change. When you start realizing that everything changes, we gain a sense of equanimity. We don’t get easily affected.
• Feel your feelings. Most of the time, our feelings give us an indication that we haven’t learned. Feel what exactly you are feeling and try to understand your emotions. It might be tough no doubt, but it would definitely be worth it.
• Reflect and Contemplate. I cannot stress this enough. It is important to really spend time alone and to think about those lessons and things which we have to learn to let go. If we feel that we constantly feel bad about something, perhaps is time for us to learn to reframe the experience. Perhaps we haven’t find for the positives from the experience.
• Confront our experiences. If something constantly pops up in our mind which makes us uncomfortable, there might be because we still haven’t deal with them. We will have to deal with them to feel better. We might be resisting it because of the fear that we have, but if we don’t confront them it will just pull us back from really enjoying the present.

Summary

1. The past is the past. Period.
2. The past is a valuable source of wisdom. If we ignore the past, we lose the wisdom.
3. Everything happens for a reason.
4. A negative experience (past) might have unrealized capacity for it to be a positive experience in the future.
5. Learn to let go.
6. Don’t let the past affect our present.
7. Hold on to the lesson, let go of the past.

I have been thinking about writing on this for quite some time already. I was just afraid that I couldn’t really have enough ideas flowing through me to write a post worthy of this topic.

So, I have decided to commit this entire week to writing on this subject: Present Moment Awareness.

To give an overview, there are three time moments. It’s the present, the past and the future. I would write a three posts talking and elaborating on these three moments.

I would start with writing about learning from the past, then about planning for the future and subsequently the present moment.  I would try to highlight the importance of these three moments and how we could use these experienced to improve our lives.

I hope it would help those who are interested to hear me out.

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Read the posts here

• Learning From The Past

• Planning For The Future

• Embracing The Present