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The Illusion Of Happiness

February 7, 2012 //
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I haven’t been taking time to write for a long time. I would say that it has been almost half a year since I wrote a length post about a topic. During this period, I have been busy writing my book.

I have posted on this blog from time to time. However, most of them are just ramblings – writings which just come out directly from my heart. Most are short ones: updates about my life and the thoughts that run around my head on a consistent basis.

This would be a lengthier post because I feel the bliss of knowing that my book is finally done.

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Writing the book is a real learning process. It is an extremely valuable lesson in myself, what I love doing and how I come to look at my future. It is a very humbling process to know how tedious it is to write a book, however easy it is to read it.

I realize something valuable the past couple of days upon completion of my book. It dawn upon me that the end result of something isn’t truly important. In doing something, what’s most important isn’t the end result. Although we tend to work towards an end result, the result isn’t that important.

Trust me, it isn’t.

It took me almost a year to write, edit and learn about publishing books to get this book ready.

Rewind to a year back, knowing that I would be an author would be something that blow my mind away.

But now, it just seems something normal. I am not that excited anymore about it. Actually, I felt a bit down a few days ago because I didn’t understand why the excitement and motivation that I had a couple of months ago just seem to go away.

I realize that I have been caught up in this illusion: The Illusion of Happiness.

All of us get caught up in it from time to time.

The Illusion of Happiness is the belief that something in the future would make us feel better. It is the belief that when we have something or reached a certain situation; and then we will be happy.

We may believe that when we:

  • Buy that material item
  • Get that special someone
  • Reach a certain career goal
  • Gain the admiration of other people
  • Achieve our dreams
and then, we will be happy.

But it never does.

Things in the future never seem to make us happy. Never had, never will.

Even if you were to be happy from the achievement of something, it seems like the happiness is fleeting. You feel happy for a while. The next thing you know, you are looking for something else to make you ‘happy’.

This realization dawn upon me the importance of enjoying totally the steps towards something. It is the steps that matters, not the destination. Most of the time the destination seem to instead disappoint us.

I have learned to focus less on the future. I do make plans and such. But I am very flexible towards them. I also make sure that I do not invest my happiness in the future.

If I can’t be happy today, I won’t be happy tomorrow.

I have learned to be free from situations and circumstances. Happiness needs no reason. It has nothing to do with the past or the future.

Categories Emotions, Happiness, Mindset, Motivation, Success, Thoughts

Finding The Blessing

September 8, 2011 //
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Things aren’t going as well as I want it to be two weeks ago. I felt lost. I didn’t know where I am going all of a sudden.

I think to a certain extent this started when I start comparing myself with some of my friends who are in steady jobs. We were out hanging out for drinks when they all seem to have a steady and certain lifestyle. They seem to be doing steady while I am still in this part of my life of uncertainty and unknowingness.

I chose it that way, upon further reflection.

I chose this uncertain lifestyle. But sometimes I forget that I chose this lifestyle. I forget that I chose to be a writer and someone who works from home. I forget that I chose to not have a full-time job which pays a steady income. I chose it myself.

But in that comparison with other people, I become uncertain. I am not in their path of things. I felt like I was left behind. Comparisons just make myself bad.

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It is after that few days of feeling down and lost that I realize that I am actually doing what I wanted.

I needed some time to find the blessing. To understand why I am on a certain path. Why I choose to be a writer. Why  I choose to be a real estate agent. Why I choose to start up my own businesses.

I think I fail to see the blessing in my choices of wanting freedom and an avenue to express. Mixing around with my friends dragged me down. I am not saying that they are bad or judging them, but what we want is just different.

I want:

  • Control over my life
  • The ability to express
  • Not following a certain schedule
  • Just doing things for the sake of it

I need constant reminder on the blessing of those choices that I make. As for now, I am just floating around feeling blessed. Blessed with a sense of doing what I love and just having the courage to pursue them.

Fark comparison. I’m doing great. Call me stubborn, I don’t care.

 

 

p.s. I hate grammar. I hate my book being edited by grammar people and being known that I have plenty of grammar mistakes. Writing should be an avenue of expression.

Categories Consciousness, Emotions, Happiness, Ideas, Success, Thoughts

Why You Should Have More Disappointments (Especially When You Are Young)

June 25, 2011 //
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I realize that those moments that I feel truly disappointed with things are those periods where I am truly creative and am able to really think of different ways of looking at things.

I found that disappointments create avenues for creativity. Disappointments are avenue that allow you to explore how much something means to you. Disappointments allows you to reflect. Disappointments make me realize how to view things differently.

I found that bad situations allow you to be more creatively. However the general tendency is to avoid them. There are certain situations which you should open your eyes to – these situations create avenue for you to be more creative:

  1. Bad financial situations. Don’t you realize how much people despise when they don’t have money for themselves etc. I realize that most people who succeeded in business and in life not so because they have unlimited funds. Rather, they create the most out of a bad financial situation. They use money better. They are more creative with money. It is during such situations that you have to come out with new ideas.
  2. Being lost. I have certainly written about this. Being lost is normal. Not liking a situation is normal. It shows that we want something. Isn’t our task to find for something we really want? Being disappointed mean that we know better what we want or not want.
  3. Making A Costly Mistake. Doesn’t this happen to all of us. Having a mistake is better than not having one. Most of us are not trying so we don’t make mistakes. Sure it’s disappointing. I have made plenty myself, but in those mistakes lies a valuable lesson.
  4.  Feeling lazy. We all feel lazy sometime or another. Perhaps it’s a motivation issue. However, I don’t really believe in motivation. If you need to be motivated, most probably doing something isn’t really important.

 

Disappointments are gifts. (Note: Yes, I remember my previous post)

 

It allows myself to be more creative. It makes me know myself better.

 

Categories Emotions, Happiness, Mindset, Success, Thoughts

Notes to My 15 Year Old Self

February 21, 2011 //
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It’s ironic that when I talk to some 15-18 year olds, I feel like there is already a big difference during my school time and their school time. I am currently 21 so it’s only about 5 years since I left school but I just could feel the big difference already.

For example, I don’t remember even having a handphone when I was Form 1. I had my handphone only in Form 5 and that also I question the rationality of it. I remember how the most “in” phones were still those Nokia black and white phones. I actually don’t remember seeing many coloured screen phones last time.

I remember how it only costs RM2 for a nasi lemak with chicken and if I were to add another 50 cents, I could have a half-boiled egg. I doubt it is as cheap now.

I also remember how my school life was just so filled with playing sports. I have skipped almost every subject except for PE. I even remember a time where I caught a cold but still end up running around the field playing futsal. I just can’t comprehend when the younger generation just stay at home and play games where I was always in love with sports.

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Dear 15 Year Old Victor,

The thing that you should learn is honesty. Honesty to others is important but what’s more important is honesty to yourself. Be honest about what you want.

All those things you said last time about how stupid and such a waste of time high school is, it happened to be true. However, you might think that college is important but actually it is not.

There are more skills than you need in order to succeed and be happy than a qualification. You need to learn.

Really, learn to speak out. You might think that you look stupid but most of the time those who look stupid are actually the smartest in the pack.

Don’t follow the general norm. Walk your own path. Forget about what others think of you. Following the bandwagon leads you no where.

Take time for yourselves. Don’t rush into things. You might think something means a lot to you in the moment but actually you might change. Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.

My dear. Don’t worry about the future. It will sort itself.

Yours lovingly,

21 Year Old Victor

Categories Emotions, Mindset, Motivation, Thoughts
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