I am sitting here on my table as usual. Eating an orange and just doing some thinking. Something I do best.
Mostly I am thinking about a sense of where I am and where I am heading. I feel as if making my life a constant journey where I feel I want to know where I am going is just completely useless. I don’t want to “go” anywhere, I just want to stay in the moment of things.
I feel that I have grown more and more, despite me not consciously knowing about it. I was walking around the shopping mall today and I came to a realization that I don’t want anything. It is just this weird feeling where you feel so content and in the moment that you do not need anything to feel better. I think this is what drives impulse buying: the feeling of being needing something to make themselves feel better.
Life has truly been a journey of self-discovery. I feel a life of self-discovery and introspection is the only life which is worth living. I come to a point in my life where I feel as if I don’t want to be stuck into the predominant culture. Deep down, I am pretty sick of it. That’s not who I really am.
Who I am really is someone who loves the sort of creative expression. I have learnt to follow my heart, although at times it’s a real struggle when the head speaks louder and more rationally. I realize that many of the internal battles that we face are actually the battles between the head and the heart.
Work has been pretty slow I would say. I feel like I am really taking baby steps to learn. I have a privilege no doubt because of my youth, but part of me knows that the person I have become is slowly changing. It is a funny thing to know that you have no idea what massive change would happen, but you just know.
I guess the need for creative expression is getting greater and greater in me. I feel that those philosophies that I have slowly developed in my life has slowly taken it’s form in a way that I could see changes in my life. I feel as if I am more connected to everyday, instead of just running it through without knowing what happened.
The saying that time flies might be a little to overused, but I am going to use it again.
Things that happen only serve a purpose. There is a great need for creative expression in all of us. I have that need too. It comes from a sense of writing and expressing myself in my journal. I do sometimes express myself through this blog as well.
I love for the fact that I totally disregard the people that are reading this blog. The writings are only for myself to express nothing else. It is something which is really lacking in this world: doing something just for ourselves.
Life is a journey in which we have no idea where we would end up at. We might get into all this goal setting and planning and time management, but those are all useless. The purpose of human existance is the continued expansion of happiness. All these goals only serve to make us more comfortable with the future and because of a sense that we are uncomfortable with the present.
Joy comes through being comfortable and accepting of the present regardless what circumstances we are in. Fulfillment comes in the moment. The feeling of joy only comes when we are truly in the moment of thing and we realize that it is already perfect. We do not need true love, material items or the approval of others to make it better. It is already full and perfect.
So is this moment I am having. I have a creative outlet. I have all the things I need.
My mind tells me that I am already whole. I just enjoy the fullness and the perfectness of the moment. You don’t need circumstances to change. The only thing that have to change is you.
